In the beginning, I was normal. My childhood consisted of playing outside, reading books, being a smarty-pants, having crushes, and thinking macaroni-and-cheese was the greatest thing ever. High school came along and I wasn't an outcast. I was smart, very pretty, and popular. I was a cheerleader, in Student Council, National Honor Society, Softball, Younglife and an active member of my church. I wasn't mean, and most of my friend's comments in my yearbook ended with "Stay Sweet!" I didn't have an awful childhood, in fact, I had a great one. I'd been in love, traveled the world, experienced true heartache and the loss of both a friend and family member...all by the time I was 17.
Then came college.
Yeah, the weight was gradual at first. 5 lbs here, another 10 there. The potatoes in my dorm cafeteria were the best. Every day I had either baked potato, chips, fries, or mashed potatoes. Then college parties started to happen. And beer. And liquor. And all those other things I could eat when I was a cheerleader and working out constantly--only the weight stayed.
My grandmother died unexpectedly when I was 20, and that was the last time I remember being "skinny" as an "adult". I don't count 20 as adulthood, but for the purpose of this, we'll say I was an adult. I weighed about 150 lbs when she died. It was a lot from my 130 in high school, but I'm average height, (5'6") and I was built for huge knockers, so I always subtracted some pounds for my chest because I felt that weight was unfair. After her death, the weight came fast. Within a year, I was easily 185. By the next year, 200. I sat at 215 from the end of college for about 5 years. It fluctuated each year--and my new year's resolutions were always the same: lost 10 lbs by Valentine's Day. Lost 40 pounds by Independence Day. Join a gym. Workout. Each better.
Another factor in my lack of motivation? I was still smart and pretty. So having companionship was NEVER an issue. If I decided I wanted to go home with a boy, it happened. Having a steady relationship took a few years after college, but I still had gentlemen callers.
Then came the boy who left me for a heifer. Seriously. I was prettier, smarter, older, and skinnier (for once)! I couldn't figure out why I would get left for someone bigger than me. And he wasn't that good looking. He was a big guy, so he made me feel small----er. I was still well over 200 lbs, but I was loved. After that break-up, I went on a rampage of men (Thanks online dating). I even had a fling with a hot bartender--who apparently had a girlfriend and I was his dirty little secret. Why? Because I was FAT. I said it. I was FAT. Despite my weight, I was still active. I played softball with my friends each week, and did 5K runs, and played flag football. I liked to go dancing and I was a bridesmaid 16 times (No, I'm not exaggerating. SIXTEEN). I met my soul-mate at a company softball practice. He didn't care that I weighed 220 lbs. He didn't care that after 2 years of dating, I weighed 230 lbs. But one day I realized he didn't tell me how beautiful I was as often. And my knee was always hurting from all this weight. It really hit me from a picture. I looked at it and thought: Where the hell did that extra chin come from?! I had tried diets, weight loss challenges (win $10,000 from Genghis Grill--I ate that crap for 60 straight days!), specialized meal plans, zumba, boxing, jogging, personal trainer...and NONE of it worked. I finally decided I could keep lying to myself that I was pretty, and that he loved me no matter what, and that I was confident in this body--or I could actually be confident.
So this is where I am now. Truthfully--I had weight loss surgery. And it was 100% worth it. No complications. No sickness. No dietary changes. In fact, I'm even more tolerant of certain foods now. The only difference? I get FULL real fast. No more being hangry (hungry+angry=HANGRY). Each day from the day I decided to have the surgery has been an adventure, and I plan on giving you all the REAL details. Did it hurt? Was is expensive? Why couldn't I just change my diet? Do I still drink? How safe was it? And my personal favorite: Just how much have you lost?!
Welcome to my blog about going from the fat kid to the skinny girl, and how life has changed for the better (most of the time).
